I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
