the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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