I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
