i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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