Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
