my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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