I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just cut my nipple shaving
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize