I heard we made out
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize