I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
