At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
