I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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