Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize