I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
