4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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