Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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