i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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