You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
There are leaves in my underwear?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
