When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
