this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
