How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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