Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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