drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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