i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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