I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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