You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
