woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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