As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
This house was built for laser tag.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
