I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
