There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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