Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
