dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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