He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
