UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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