You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
