And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
