I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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