So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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