my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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