I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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