It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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