you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize