as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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