you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
