I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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