Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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