I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so let's talk penis.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
