You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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