I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
