I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize