we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
