No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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