apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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