The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
