just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Someone signed my nipple.
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