this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize