The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize