you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
