the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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