i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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