His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
