I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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