all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
