I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
