Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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