did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Did I show you my penis last night?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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