Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
