dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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