I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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