my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
50% drunk capacity currently
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
