yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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