I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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