2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
